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1.9.2010

Still trying to somehow deal with everything I wasn't able and not strong enough to handle and ran away from in my past, with everything that starts coming back in my head now that I became strong. Thanks to Mr. Teenage Dream for putting that too proud and anxious wreck back together. Because of you I'm not afraid anymore.

That one is for you, Mr. "Not-able-to-switch-off-the-TV".
_________________________________________________

I can never forget
The way you held your arms around me
I guess I have to admit
I was afraid to end up lonely
But I won't be coming back

Did it make you feel good to see me hurt?
Happy to see you broke me first?
Hey baby, do you believe you gave me what you thought I deserve?
Do you believe your game could work?
Are you lonely?
I hope you're feeling lonely!
Baby, are you lonely?
I hope you're feeling lonely!

How could you forget?
I was the one you can come blaming
You said I made you upset
It wasn't true what you are claiming
And now there'll be no regrets!
This time I'll leave you hanging!
Now there is no longer
You and I, you and I!
_________________________________________________

Actually I don't really know what I hope for you.
One side is still hurt to the bones and hopes that someone will treat you the way you treated me. It wishes that you get hurt as hell, that you feel the pain in your chest as if you would have to die, and that you remember how you treated me this evening and the weeks before, but not only me, also all of you past friends. This side doesn't even need you to lern anything about it. It wants to see you hurt, in pain and lonely as fuck.
Most of the time thoughts about you come to my mind, this side reacts to them.
I think that there is an other side but I don't really know whether it is serious, or whether I just force myself to these thoughts, only to not feel like a bad person that wants to kill you and torture you and hopes that you will never be happy again for the injustice you gave me whenever it thinks about you.
Well, when this side really is serious, than I guess it wishes you the best. It wishes you more luck with the next girl, a nice, dumb enough person that corresponds to your claims and can live the life you expect her to live with you. Or maybe a very bad experience which lets you think about other people being worth a lot, above all your friends and lovers, and which lets you set new standarts for your life.
But I have to say, after reading that, I don't think that it is serious. Not really. Or: Not yet. I guess I liked you too much to now act as if I wouldn't still be hurt or as if I wouldn't care or think anymore about what you have done to me.
Maybe I should congratulate you: You broke something very precious inside of me. When this was your goal, you did quite well in this competition.
One more applause for Mr. "Not-able-to-switch-of-the-TV"!
Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
This performance now is over.
1.9.10 16:31
 


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